kristin has been a bad kristin
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
