Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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