I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
