If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you would pick up someone in the library
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
