Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
