I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
