I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
