if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
