Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
