I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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