lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
