Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
