I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
