He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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