I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
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I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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