I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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