well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
