A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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