They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
