I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
