hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
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The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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