I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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