I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize