I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
