we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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