I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
