Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
