Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
