Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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