so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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