I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
