omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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