I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
