At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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