True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
