i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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