It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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