get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
