I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
