So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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