yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
