I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
