A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
