If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
