You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
