Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
