I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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