saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
