True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
