The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
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We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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