So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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