haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Randomize
