He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
