I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
