Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
