so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
