you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
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I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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