Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
