Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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