is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
