She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
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