turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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