i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
