Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
