This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
