don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
