is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
