At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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