You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
