WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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