I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
