I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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