I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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