No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
