Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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