I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
