I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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