Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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