The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize