He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
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I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
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