Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
