Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
