How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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