Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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